Question: How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None. Software testers just noticed that the room was dark. Testers don't fix the problems, they just find them.

Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: What's the problem? The bulb at my desk works fine!

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: NONE! That's a hardware problem....

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To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the good tester, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. A tester comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the tester has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a tester, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

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A mechanical, electrical and a software engineer from Microsoft were driving through the desert when the car broke down. The mechanical engineer said "It seems to be a problem with the fuel injection system, why don't we pop the hood and I'll take a look at it." To which the electrical engineer replied, "No I think it's just a loose ground wire, I'll get out and take a look." Then, the Microsoft engineer jumps in. "No, no, no. If we just close up all the windows, get out, wait a few minutes, get back in, and then reopen the windows everything will work fine."

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Top replies by programmers when their programs don't work:

• "It works fine on MY computer"
• "Who did you login as ?"
• "It's a feature"
• "It's WAD (Working As Designed)"
• "That's weird..."
• "It's never done that before."
• "It worked yesterday."
• "How is that possible?"
• "It must be a hardware problem."
• "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
• "There is something funky in your data."
• "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
• "You must have the wrong version."
• "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
• "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
• "It works, but it's not been tested."
• "Somebody must have changed my code."
• "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
• "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?"
• "You can't use that version on your system."
• "Why do you want to do it that way?"
• "Where were you when the program blew up?"
• "I thought I fixed that."

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